I’m sure that as teenagers, we grew up with loved ones stroking our ego with statements like, “Anyone would be lucky to have you,“ or “They will be lining up to take you on a date.” Somewhere along the line, we get this idea in our heads that it’s all about us finding them. We are the grand prize and we just have to choose the lucky winner. I learned the hard way that life is not like ABC’s The Bachelorette. I don’t have 25 handsome, successful men pawning for my attention. In fact, I’m lucky if I can just get a response on Bumble.
When I first moved to New York City, I figured with a city so populated, I would be on my way to meeting Mr. Right in no time. I had this vision that I would meet all different types of men and be taken on luxurious dates like Carrie Bradshaw. Who needs to worry about expensive drinks when I have someone to buy them for me, right? Wrong. I found out rather quickly that guys here don’t give a shit about finding Mrs. Right or anything more than a fling for that matter.
I constantly asked girls that I met, “How do you meet guys here?” “Tinder.” Ugh, seriously? But it’s true. I walk past hundreds of people a day and am actually surprised if anyone ever looks up from their cell phone long enough to make eye contact.
I gave the dating apps a try and watched as each date failed more miserably than the next. It was after the 5th date when I made a vow that I wouldn’t go on any more unless it happened organically. Needless to say, I haven’t been on a date in 8 months…
It’s not that I’m not putting myself out there. Hell, it’s New York – I walk EVERYWHERE. I attend work out classes, go grocery shopping, walk around museums and sometimes I’ll eat my breakfast on a park bench near a fountain to appear approachable. Ironically enough, I usually spend my time there observing the couples walking by, wondering how they met, how he asked her out and what I’m not doing right.
Even when I was using the apps (considering it does work for some people), I was unpleasantly surprised with how grotesque the guys could be. Why does the opening line have to be about sex positions, fetishes or Fifty Shades of Grey scenarios? I know, I know. If he sends that message to 100 girls, one is bound to answer. It can just be so disheartening to think that those are my pool of bachelors.
Where are the good guys? I’ll tell you where. They are the guys that were ‘too nice’ in high school, even though our moms told us they’d make great husbands. They’re the guys who are married to amazing women, starting families and climbing the success ladder. But I’m not in high school anymore. I don’t have some weird need to go after the ‘bad boy’ to feed my subconscious fear of not being good enough.
I can’t say I’m totally shocked. Society tells us that it’s “creepy” to approach girls or “desperate” to wear your heart on your sleeve. But my problem, is that it seems any social interaction is masked my technology anymore. If I’m not on Tinder, Bumble, or whatever, I’m not talking. To anyone. Ever.
My friends tells me, “Get off the dating apps, guys are on there for hook-ups.” Ok, so tell me friend (who is most likely not single). Where exactly do I meet someone who’s genuinely interested in getting to know me? (Silence). Yeah, welcome to my world.
I can say for certain that each day is an adventure. The curiosity of what a new day will bring and who I may meet is what keeps me moving forward. Most times when I’m eating Ben & Jerry’s in bed with no makeup on, or I’m settling into the ‘starfish’ position as I fall asleep, I’m happier as ever. Plus, if I’m looking at the bright side, all of these dating woes gives me something to write about.